The island of missing DVDs

Christmas will be here in less than a week. So many Christmas movies and TV shows to watch, too little time.

Every year it seems they start broadcasting these shows earlier and earlier. But I guess they have to. When there are approximately 547 different animated or stop-motion Christmas shows, 342 Christmas-related movie classics and 216 sappy Hallmark made-for-TV Christmas movies, the TV folks have to start right after Labor Day to work them all in before Christmas.

Normally by now I would have watched “Christmas Vacation,” “Planes, Trains and Automobiles,” “Elf,” “The Polar Express,” “The Santa Clause” and “The Santa Clause 2.” But I have yet to watch any of my holiday favorites, though we have them all on DVD.

It’s difficult, however, to watch a DVD if you can’t actually place the DVD in the DVD player. And it’s impossible to do that if you can’t find the DVD.

Apparently after Christmas was over last year, my wife packed all of our holiday DVDs away with the ornaments, lights and boughs of holly. Actually, that’s just her best guess. She really can’t remember what she did with them.

That happens a lot around our house anymore. For all we know, I might have put those DVDs someplace and can’t even remember doing it, let alone where I put them. Hopefully they’ll turn up.

I at least need to find “Christmas Vacation” because it’s just not Christmas for me until I’ve seen Cousin Eddie empty his motor home’s “facilities” into the sewer.

I haven’t watched very many of the animated shows either. I watched “Frosty the Snowman” with my granddaughter over Thanksgiving. It was the one with Jimmy Durante as the narrator and Jackie Vernon as Frosty. Not one of my favorites, but OK.

Everyone has their own favorites. I’ve always gotten a kick out of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town,” the stop motion show with Fred Astaire voicing the mailman/narrator. Mickey Rooney voices Kris Kringle/Santa Claus, who is at odds with the grumpy Burgermeister Meisterburger, who bans all toys from Sombertown.

But don’t fret. He dies and the kids finally get their toys, so happy ending for all … except Burgermeister Meisterburger.

Last year I finally watched “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” for the first time. I’m not sure how I avoided it for so long. Burl Ives as a snowman, an elf who yearns to be a dentist, Yukon Cornelius — I can see why so many people love this one.

And finally I know what the Island of Misfit Toys is.

But if I could watch only one of the 547 different animated or stop-motion Christmas shows, it would be “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” with the great Dr. Seuss’ story and animation, Boris Karloff’s narration and that holiday classic song “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch.” Sing it with me, won’t you?

“You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch.

You really are a heel.

You’re as cuddly as a cactus,

You’re as charming as an eel, Mr. Grinch.

You’re a bad banana with a greasy black peel.”

Wow! If that’s not Christmas, I don’t know what is.

But no matter how many Christmas specials and movies I watch — or don’t depending on whether we find our DVDs — I know that on Christmas I can don my “You’ll shoot your eye out” T-shirt and watch my all-time favorite, “A Christmas Story,” for 24 hours straight thanks to TBS.

With all the activity around the house on Christmas, I seldom get to watch it from start to finish, but over the course of the day I’ll catch bits and pieces. But by the time I go to bed I will have seen the entire film two or three times. Ralphie, The Old Man, the pink bunny suit from Aunt Clara.

It’s better than receiving a major award.

Whatever your favorites, happy viewing, merry Christmas and don’t let the Bumpuses’ hounds bite.