Dear Amy: Twelve years ago, my husband and I moved to a new city.
We settled in, started a family and set about becoming a part of the community.
In the beginning, when I received an invitation somewhere, I was excited to go and hopeful that I would make some new friends.
I soon realized that most of these invitations were to parties where something was being sold: jewelry, home-goods, kitchenware, etc.
I have never felt the need to spend money at these parties on overpriced things that I don’t need, just for the sake of lining someone else’s pocket.
I stopped going to these parties and have grown to resent these invitations. I feel insulted when I receive them now.
I look at it as a money grab and plan to decline the invite.
Am I overreacting?
— Feeling Used
Dear Feeling Used: Yes, you are overreacting. Speaking as someone who receives countless “invitations” to donate my time and (various) talents to individuals or causes.
You can respond, or not. What you shouldn’t do is resent the inclusion, especially if the person offering it doesn’t know that you don’t want to be included.
When it comes to sales parties, you respond with a simple, “Please take me off your invitation list.”
To make friends, you have to be brave enough to risk a bid for intimacy, understanding that (in your neighborhood) your invitation for coffee might be misconstrued to be a franchise opportunity.
