Dear Amy: My youngest daughter “Sara,” (12) is as sweet as pie to those she loves. She also speaks her mind — sometimes too plainly.
Recently an older girl, “Carrie,” approached me at our public pool. Carrie attends school with my older daughter. I introduced her to a group of kids nearby as: “A friend of my daughters’.” Carrie responded by putting “friends” in finger-quotes, and then stating that, “Your daughters hate me. Sara just said, ‘Hello — go away’ to me.”
I jumped right on it with Sara: “How would that make you feel? How do you think it made her feel?”
I tried to make Carrie feel a little better, but she is simply a tough kid to like — she has rough social skills. Of course, this is no excuse for my daughter’s horrible behavior.
Sara is prepped to apologize, but neither of our daughters want to be friends with her.
Is there anything I can say or do to make Carrie feel better? Should I speak to her parents?
— Guilty in NC
Dear Guilty: You did a nice job correcting your child — and then you actually confirmed her unkind assessment of the girl she was so cruel to. To me, it sounds as if “Carrie” is “on the spectrum,” which would explain her affect.
Your message to your daughter should be, “I don’t care what this other person is like. You don’t have to be friends with anyone you don’t want to be friends with. You do have to be kind to others — regardless.”
