Dear Amy: Our adult son “James” lives on his own and has a successful career. Suddenly, without notice or explanation, James has cut off all communication with his two loving parents — myself and my wife.
Just three months ago we were all together enjoying a birthday lunch (for me), where James introduced his new girlfriend. James and his brother provided a very thoughtful and generous gift, and I thanked them both, sincerely. Inexplicably, since that day James has not responded to any form of communication.
My wife and I are tearing ourselves apart seeking a reason for this estrangement.
James refuses to talk about it. I’ve offered multiple times to meet up and apologize for any transgression, but James won’t.
Amy, we want our son back in our lives. What do we do?
— Shutout
Dear Shutout: In your case, I agree that your son’s new relationship seems to be the main variable. Abusive or controlling partners can isolate people from their loved ones. You and/or your wife should call him at work to see if he could meet you that same day for coffee. Be very cautious about blaming his girlfriend for his actions.
Do not allow this to “destroy” your family. Painful as this is, you should carry on as a family. Continue to include and invite “James” (and his girlfriend) to all functions. Do your best to connect, without overwhelming him. The harder you push, the easier it is for him to resist.
