Dear Amy: I have spent the last seven years working in the same small department in a relatively small company.
I am very unhappy in my job.
I am expecting a child (my third) in the spring, and I plan not to return after my maternity leave.
I plan to take a year and a half to upgrade my professional qualifications, and then return to the workforce when I can find a position that offers better work-life balance without too much of a pay cut.
The thing is, I am freaking out about this decision. On the one hand, I feel like if I only made myself focus better, work harder, be more on the ball, I would have a greater sense of satisfaction from my work, my boss would be happier, the boredom and insecurity would go away.
On the other hand, I also feel that I am not treated with respect, that fault will always be found in my work rather than giving me my due.
How do I sort through these conflicting feelings to arrive at some peace of mind?
— Worried
Dear Worried: I don’t think you should sort through these conflicted feelings. I think you should just make a decision to change jobs, and then do so.
Leaving will not be easy. You will be facing the unknown. But the job market right now is good, and ultimately you will grow more by leaving than by staying.
Dear Amy: I am a single man living on my own on the West Coast. My immediate family live on the East Coast, where most of the extended family live.
Because I have been on my own for a long time and live far away, they have naturally all been together for holidays etc., over the years.
My sister and her whole family and my parents were invited to a cousin’s wedding on the East Coast. I was not.
This is not, by the way, due to any hard feelings in the family. I am not really hurt at not being invited, as I don’t feel especially close to the bride due to the distance between us and an age gap.
That having been said, it feels strange to ignore this happy occasion.
Photos will be on Facebook and Instagram and my sister will be attending, so it is obvious that I know about it.
Is there an appropriate way to acknowledge this and at the same time, not have the bride and her family feel badly for not including me?
— Uninvited in LA
Dear Uninvited: Your question didn’t land quite where I expected it to; you are facing this exclusion with no hurt feelings, and are only worried that congratulating the couple will draw attention to your exclusion.
It would be kind of you to send a card (and gift, if you want). Keep your message warm: “Congratulations to both of you! I’m very happy for you, and look forward to seeing you on my next trip east…”
Dear Amy: “Maybe Auntie” wondered about the DNA parentage of her brother’s girlfriend’s pregnancy. It is possible to test DNA in utero, and this woman should definitely get tested.
— Informed
Dear Informed: While DNA testing in-utero may be possible, submitting to this testing is up to the couple, not the aunt.
