Dear Amy: Every year my husband and I host a holiday get-together for several of our friends and neighbors. We provide the main dish, a couple of sides and drinks. We ask friends to fill in with other salads, sides and desserts.
This year, with little notice, my friend “Barb” reached out to me via text, saying, “This year, I will need you to prepare my food differently” — due to her recent diagnosis of celiac disease.
She explained to me that “even a crumb of cross contamination” will result in her not feeling well. She instructed me to check all of my spices and ingredients, and to thoroughly clean all of my cooking and serving utensils before preparing food for her.
Amy, I was shocked speechless — and my husband was livid.
I responded that I would check ingredients and try my best to accommodate. My husband said that if the disease was so dire, she would need to pack her own plate of food.
Is our friend being ridiculous here, or are we being insensitive to her disease?
— Gluten-free Hosts
Dear Hosts: You should not attempt to gauge whether “Barb’s” disease is as serious as she indicates. You should simply assume that it is. I agree, however, that she is not communicating about her needs in a way designed to inspire such a Herculean effort on your part. In fact, her requirements seem quite overwhelming and are coming off as demands. She is also attempting to shift responsibility for her health from herself onto you. Don’t take it on.
