Dear Amy: I recently lost my father. He was someone I adored and spent many hours caring for.
Over the years I traveled to my hometown (in another state) to care for my mom and dad.
My long-time local friends (where I now live) witnessed my devotion and love for my father.
As we are all at the age where we are losing parents, I have attended funerals, contributed to flower arrangements, and sent donations and cards of condolence to these friends when their parents have died.
However, not one of my local friends, who I had considered some of my best friends, did anything to acknowledge my loss.
Yes, there were texts and Facebook messages. But nothing on a personal level — not even a phone call.
I am absolutely heartbroken that these “friends” have virtually ignored my heartache.
Can you give me some guidance?
— Hurt and Sad
Dear Hurt and Sad: You are thoughtful, affectionate, sincere and caring when you respond to others. You show up.
My theory is that your exemplary behavior is a reflection of the close, loving and devoted relationship you had with your own parents. You empathize with the enormity of loss because you love (and have been loved) so well.
First of all, they didn’t know your father personally. And unfortunately, modern life has removed many of us from the important rituals surrounding death.
