Recently my wife and I were sitting across from each other in a restaurant booth when she decided to grab her phone and take my picture. After looking at it, she said, “You don’t smile enough. Let me take another one and this time, smile.”
So I gave her what I thought was my cheesiest grin, because I’m kind of a jerk. Later, I posted the photo on Facebook with the comment, “My wife says I don’t smile enough. Here’s why.”
I was sure everyone who saw it would agree it was a very cheesy smile and get a laugh out of my joke. Instead I received many comments along the lines of “what a fantastic pic!” and “you look great!” Not a single person recognized that I was trying to look anything but fantastic or great.
Quite a blow to my self-image. And one more incident in my love-hate relationship with social media.
I love seeing photos of my family and friends on Facebook. I hate seeing photos of what they are about to eat or, even worse, have already partially eaten.
I love catching up with old friends from my high school days. I hate that I’m forced to block some of them because they share absolutely every post they see in their newsfeed. I was going to ask, “When do they have the time to even go to the bathroom?” but then I realized they likely are participating in distracted restroom use. Eww.
I love receiving good wishes on my birthday, and I love when people say how cute or beautiful my grandchildren are. I hate when I post something and almost nobody responds.
I follow a few famous entertainers on Instagram, and I frequently read their responses to comments or questions from my fellow followers. I’m still waiting for my first response. Another real ego booster.
I did get a helpful response to a question I posed to the folks at squirrels_at_iu. They’re not famous entertainers, but they’re great people. If you love cute animals and IU’s Bloomington campus, check it out.
I love when I respond to a Facebook post with a witty or clever remark. I hate when I check the other comments and see that 74 other people responded with the exact same witty or clever remark.
I’m thankful I’m old enough to be careful about my social media use, although the recent cheesy smile photo could come back to bite me.
Many others, especially younger people, are quite careless. Didn’t make partner at your law firm? Maybe, while checking your social media presence, someone in HR stumbled on the video of a drunken you flashing the Chippendales dancer? Perhaps acceptable once you make partner, but until then, probably not.
I’m also thankful social media wasn’t around when I was young and drunk enough to flash a Chippendales dancer. When I think of all the photos never taken during my youth — photos that today likely would have been taken and posted online — I breathe a sigh of relief.
While it’s true that as we age, we care less what other people think of us, I’m still glad you can’t (gosh I really hope you can’t) go online and find a photo of me with my head in the commode, or smoking in the car before heading in to my high school, or conducting junior high science experiments with intestinal gas and a cigarette lighter.
Yes, we all have lifetimes full of embarrassing moments. But for those of us of a certain age, most of those moments live only in our memories and are not part of the permanent record that is the internet. For that I am eternally grateful, as I’m sure are many of you.
However, I do wish that 30 years ago someone could have pulled out their cellphone and shot video of me holding my mortified daughters’ hands while walking like a gorilla through a crowded store shouting, “Ooo, ooo.” Priceless. Alas, my little girls are all grown up now. And if I tried my gorilla walk, I’d probably end up in traction.
But hey, who needs Facebook or Instagram? When I close my eyes, I can still see my daughters rolling their eyes and giving their mother a look that said, “Why?” And I’m pretty sure they can still see it, too. At least I hope so. I really hope so, hee, hee, hee.
Doug Showalter is a former special publications editor and columnist at The Republic. He can be reached at [email protected].
