Dear Amy: My friend recently got married. I understand that her life got crazy with everything surrounding the wedding.
Her mother threw her a three-day bachelorette party, held out of town.
Afterward, I don’t think she even texted anyone a simple thank you. It would have been nice to know that she enjoyed the weekend, or appreciated that we all showed up from all over the country.
I gave her a gift and never received an acknowledgment for that, either.
The big wedding day was a few weeks later. They ran out of funds for a videographer, so I volunteered.
I am a photographer, so this wasn’t completely out of my realm, but it was the first go, for me, at making video.
After spending months editing the pieces together, I had it finalized with sound and special effects. The results were amazing!
I’m just so surprised that all I received was a quick texted thank you. Her husband emailed me a nicer thanks, but even his email was literally only three sentences.
I don’t know if it’s unreasonable to expect a phone call from them?
— Put Upon
Dear Put Upon: Of every issue I cover in my column, questions regarding the lack of gratitude seem to dominate.
You feel unappreciated because you ARE unappreciated. A gift as consequential as a wedding video deserves a sincere expression of thanks.
And a gift as consequential as your ongoing friendship also warrants an expression of gratitude.
Dear Amy: My husband and I loaned my niece and her husband $3,000 for their son’s college bills. The college was getting ready to kick him out because of non-payment. We had the money to loan out at the time, so we did it (with no promissory note). Big mistake!
When it came time to pay us back, my niece and her husband flipped the script! At first, he said he thought it was a gift. He later came back and said that it was indeed a loan. We agreed that they would pay us $50 a month. They made two payments and then stopped abruptly. Then they badmouthed my husband and me to other family members. Some family members took his side.
I was so hurt by this. I helped to raise my niece. Now I am ready to take her and her husband to small claims court. Doing this will air out our family business in this small town, but it can’t be helped.
What do you think? We deserve our money back, right?
— Broke in Arkansas
Dear Broke: Yes, you deserve your money back. Although your verbal agreement constitutes an oral contract, I hope you also have some form of written communication between both parties acknowledging their agreement to repay you.
You might have to sue these family members in small claims court. Each state sets its own guidelines regarding the maximum amount you can sue for. According to my research, the upper limit in your state (Arkansas) is $5,000. (Check Arcourts.gov for more information).
Dear Amy: “Concerned Mother” wrote to you about her 13-year-old daughter, who had fled her father’s home repeatedly during visitation, because she was afraid of his temper.
Although you gave a very compassionate response, I was concerned about one thing. The girl had told her therapist about this, and the therapist coached her to deal with it. Amy, therapists are mandated reporters and must report abuse to authorities!
— Upset
Dear Upset: Yes! I noted in my response that I believed this therapist was not serving the client. Therapists (and teachers, and others who work with youth) are “mandated reporters,” and must report abuse.
