From: John Brooks
Columbus
I have found that it is in the small acts of caring, kindness and compassion that I have received the greatest comfort.
Sometimes it is found in a cookie, sometimes it is found in a piece of candy. Sometimes it is found in a kind word, sometimes it is found in a friendly smile. Sometimes it is found in an ear that hears our pain, sometimes it is found in a compassionate heart that feels our loss.
Sometimes it is found in falling tears of understanding, sometimes it is found in a steady hand to hold. Sometimes it is found in a supporting hug, and sometimes it is found in the silence of just being present.
I recently re-read a card I had received after my wife Pam died six years ago. The card was not signed, so I have no way of knowing who sent it, but it continues to offer me comfort and guidance. In my unsigned card was written, “When you suffer a loss you never really get over it. You do not get over it, you get through it; and the only way to get through it is to stop focusing on what you do not have and focus on what you do have. It is OK.”
Over the years, as I have told others about the card, and many have offered insight as to who might have sent it.
Some have said since it is unsigned, it is a message from God. Some have said it is a note channeled from Pam, my guardian angel, offering me guidance, wisdom, and comfort. Some have said it was from someone whom I would not have known passing on wisdom they have learned through their own loss.
Some have said that it does not matter who sent it: the message is wise so follow it.
At some time in my journey, all these insights have offered me strength and wisdom that I have needed.
On my journey I have experienced, as you will on yours, the whole painter’s palette of emotions. The dark hues of sadness, feeling of loss, loneliness, fear of the unknown, denial, and depression. The bold red hues of anger, confusion, anxiety and jealousy. The bright rainbow of colors found in joy, happiness, love, and acceptance. Just as our emotions before our loss covered the whole spectrum, so will our emotions in our grief.
What I have found is that all these emotions have embedded in their foundations the same memories. Our memories become the stepping stones of hope through the turbulent waters of our grief.
While we can never create new memories with the ones we have lost, our memories become the cement for the stepping stones from our past to our new memories we will build with those around us in the future.
