Dear Amy: I raised my daughter as a single father. She’s graduating soon with a master’s degree. Even though I’m very proud of her academic success, I’m very disappointed in her other life choices.
Two years ago, she got upset because I expressed my disappointment in her life choices — mainly the financial ones. I didn’t teach her about finances growing up, but recently learned a lot about how to handle money. As I tried to tell her what to do, she got loud and cursed at me. I hung up, and we haven’t spoken since.
I got an invitation to her graduation. As a father I feel like I should honor her achievement, but I don’t feel she appreciates what I went through to get full custody and to raise her by myself. I don’t want to reward her disrespect, but I don’t want to send her on a guilt trip either. What do you think?
— Upset Father
Dear Father: Parenting does not end at the college door. Nor should parenting end after an argument.
By hanging up and not speaking to your daughter for two years (!) you are demonstrating the following: Disputes cannot be resolved. The consequence for losing your temper is estrangement.
Parents occasionally have to suck it up and love their children through their immature and disrespectful displays. Of course you should attend this ceremony! To miss it would be needlessly punishing, so long after the fact.
