Dear Amy: I am dating a guy who is close to 50. He has a son (age 11), and a daughter (13).
My kids are grown and on their own.
His ex-wife is very obnoxious and loud. She tries to be very organized, but is a bad communicator.
She still tries to run her ex-husband’s life! She sends constant reminders about activities. She was coming into his house at her own discretion until I put my foot down.
She plans birthday parties and other events on the weekends when he has the children. She plans the summer without his input.
Amy, he has allowed all of it!
He is a “yes” man and doesn’t want to question anyone.
I, on the other hand, am not shy. He gets embarrassed. He tries to pretend he isn’t a people-pleaser, but he is!
How should I handle this?
— At the End of My Rope
Dear at the End: At the risk of poking the dragon, I’ll make the observation that your guy has a “type.”
The way you describe his ex-wife, she is controlling, overwhelming and doesn’t respect boundaries.
Like you — your nemesis is “not shy.” Your guy, on the other hand, seems to let assertive women run his life.
You two are dating. Your job is not to change him, but to see if you two are a match. A couples counselor could help you both to navigate some of the more practical issues regarding the running of his household — but it is HIS household, and he has the right to run it the way he wants to.
