As of today, it has been five years since the passing of Dave, my husband of 36 years. I remember that day as though it just happened yesterday.
As I have prayed about what to write, I’ve asked God what he would have me share in this column, especially, for those of you who, like myself, have lost someone who is and was and forever will be deeply loved by you. This, my friends, is my gift to you.
The first column I wrote for The Republic was titled “Dealing With Loss” and was printed in October 2015. In it, I gave advice from a Christian counselor’s perspective on how to work through the aftereffects of losing someone of high value.
Now, five years later, I want to relate to you how following my own advice has played itself out in my every day life since then.
Advice
1) “Faith in Jesus Christ will pull you through your broken places like nothing else can or ever will.”
Many have been the times I’ve cried out to God in sorrow with tears and an aching heart because I missed Dave. I miss almost everything about him. He and I were separate but yet we were one. This is how it is when you deeply love someone. The person becomes a part of you emotionally, mentally and in many other ways. When they are no longer living, the part of your heart that aches is the part they shared with you.
Only God, through his Holy Spirit, can bring healing and soothe the ache of your heart in times like these. In the five years since Dave’s passing, God has been faithful to do this for me again and again and again. Only God.
2) “You must give yourself permission to grieve.”
Healing can’t take place without going through the grief process. For sure, this is painful but absolutely necessary. I know it can be crushing when your heart aches because you long to be with your loved one. I know because I have felt this more times than I can count.
Over and again to this day, I have had to give myself permission to grieve. Otherwise, I would have been stuck emotionally and could not have continued to heal. It is only by God’s mercy and grace have I been able to do this.
3) “Talk with family and friends about your loved one.”
I continue to do this and the practice of it will always be a part of my life. I don’t often pass up an opportunity to chuckle and tell some of the funny stories about things Dave did. He was known to have a great but sometimes odd sense of humor. Just ask those who knew him.
I’ve shared good memories, funny stories, sweet moments, enjoyable times of activities he and I did together when fitting and appropriate to do so. This is healthy and this is healing.
4) “Listening to Christian music will bring added healing to your heart.”
I often listen to Christian music during the day. There is something about it, I believe the Holy Spirit reaches into and penetrates the pain of heartache and soothes it and brings healing that only music can do. I love Christian music and I’m glad this is one of the tools God uses to bring healing to us.
5) “Daily read God’s written word, the Bible.”
I have made doing this a part of my life since I became a Christ follower as a teenager. By doing this, God has given me an assurance that He understands and is there for me to bring comfort and to give me peace, especially, when I miss Dave.
For the life of me, I do not understand how people who profess to follow Christ do not read His Word on a regular basis. Doing this, especially, when we’ve lost a loved one is such a powerful way to bring healing to our aching heart.
As a Christ follower, I can tell you with all openness and honesty I would never have made it through the loss of Dave if I would not have been in constant communication with God through his Holy Spirit. He has sustained me and brought healing in my deepest dark days of loss.
Psalm 73:23-26 reads, “Yet I am always with you; You hold me by my right hand. You guide me with Your counsel…Whom have I in heaven but You? My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
My prayer for you, my friends: Oh God, great physician that you are, will you use what I’ve said in this column today to bring healing to the hearts of those who have lost spouses, parents, siblings, children and friends in death? May you be their constant healer, sustainer and comforter in times of sorrow as only you can be. All praise, honor and glory with thanksgiving be given to you.
Amen.
