Dear Amy: My husband and I are at a crossroads. I learned several years ago that he had been smoking marijuana daily for nearly the whole of our 25-year marriage. I always knew he used pot, but I had no idea of the extent.
He finally said he wanted to be able to smoke freely. I agreed to this, and then I was shocked. He smoked in the morning, at night, on walks, on the porch after dinner and on dates. It began to make me feel as though he needed to be high to get through our life together. Out of the blue one day, he told me he wanted to quit. I was thrilled, but then he struggled mightily to quit. He finally did quit for 10 months.
Now he has started smoking again. He says he spoke with his doctor about it, and his doctor was not concerned. Pot is now legal in our state.
I do not want to go back to the way things were, and have made that clear. He does not want to talk to our family counselor about it. Should I give it time, or make my own decision?
— Too High-Minded?
Dear High-Minded: Your husband seems to have become dependent on marijuana; after a lot of effort, he was able to quit, and now he has relapsed.
While you are pondering your options, you should stop bargaining with him. Detach from his choices and focus on yourself. A “friends and family” support group could help you.
