Dear Amy: Why do we stay with our abusers? I don’t know what the statistics are for men that are abused by women, but I am one of them.
My wife was on the receiving end of abuse from her family while growing up. As far as I know it was verbal/emotional, and not physical.
I asked her once if she knew how she could deal with her anger, and she replied, “Get rid of my husband.”
I never know what I might do or say to set her off. My answers have been reduced to saying nothing, or just nodding my head.
I figured out a long time ago that I could have said things and treated her like her family did, but that wouldn’t have helped our marriage.
I heard Dennis Rainey speak several years ago, and one of the things he mentioned to be a better lover of your wife is, “To love the pain of the past out of her.” At some point, doesn’t she need to love that pain out of herself?
I’m tired and want to cry.
— Who Am I?
Dear Who Am I?: Why do YOU stay?
Your narrative is really all about your wife — her reasons and her excuses for being an unloving and abusive wife. But what about you? Who is going to “love the pain” out of you?
I’m urging you to attend non-religious affiliated (in addition to Christian, if you choose) counseling sessions on your own. Don’t think of it as leaving your wife behind, so much as taking yourself along on the most important journey of your life.
