A little rain didn’t dampen the spirits of a group of fathers who were looking to bond with their children, and each other, to become better dads.
The six fathers, who collectively brought 13 children, had come to Human Services Inc. Thursday night to learn parenting and life skills. The event was the latest installment of Fatherhood Night, a free monthly get-together to help father figures get involved in their children’s lives.
The event is sponsored by Human Services Inc. using curriculum from the National Fatherhood Initiative’s 24/7 Dad program, which seeks to help men develop the attitudes and skills needed to be better dads. The National Fatherhood Initiative is a Maryland-based non-profit.
The Bartholomew County event is not just for fathers, said Jeremy Kimball, Fatherhood Initiative coordinator. Any father figure — uncles, grandfathers, stepfathers, father-in-laws and other father figures — can attend with children younger than age 12.
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Initially, the event was only for men who had children involved in Human Services Inc. and Early Head Start programming. However, the program is now open to the public and is free, Kimball said. But there is one stipulation — no moms are allowed.
Since January, an average of four fathers have attended the monthly meetings in Bartholomew County each month. Kimball also holds similar events in Jackson, Decatur, Johnson, Brown and Shelby counties.
“This is an opportunity for the guys to get that one-on-one time with their kids that most of us don’t get because we’ve got work commitments, family commitments, all these commitments," Kimball said. "There’s lots of stuff for parents and usually mothers go. Fathers aren’t left out because they’re expected to go, too. However, they don’t. By pointing out that this is a fatherhood event, it kind of gives them a little bit of a stake in the game. ‘Hey, that’s just for me.’ It’s nice to give them that time."
The schedule
The event starts with a family-style meal, followed by a craft, like tie-dying a T-shirt or building a race car.
After the craft, the children play in the gym under the supervision of Head Start teachers while the men meet as a group with Kimball to talk about men’s issues and to learn more about parenting and life skills.
On Thursday, Fatherhood Night was Easter-themed. The meal included ham, potatoes au gratin, green beans, rolls and cookies.
After dinner, the men helped their children to make colored Easter eggs, and things got predictably messy. One girl broke an egg and her father helped her use a band-aid to put it back together.
After the eggs were done, the men went with Kimball to a meeting room to talk about men’s health. The men were asked to rate their physical and mental health from one to five, with five being very high. The men also talked about stress and anger and some tips about how to deal with stress, including eating right, working out, communicating, getting enough sleep, among others.
Crystal LaRue, family advocate at Head Start, said Fatherhood Night allows men to parent in their own way.
"It’s (about) them getting the chance to parent their child without mom’s input," she said. "They parent very differently when mom’s not around. It give them a little bit of freedom, and it’s really kind of fun to watch. They give them a little bit more freedom than mom does."
Kimball said the men tend to not open up as much if women are present. Women, including LaRue, are not allowed to accompany the men when they meet as a group after the craft time with their children.
"When they go to the meeting, the girls aren’t allowed in there at all," LaRue said. "As a teacher here, I don’t even know what goes on in there. They don’t share that with us… (The men) are free to talk about anything without us knowing what’s going on."
"It’s top secret," she whispered, giggling.
Kimball said the purpose of the men-only discussions is to give the fathers the chance to "talk about stuff men go through." The topics vary, ranging from managing anger to men’s health issues, Kimball said. However, Kimball said it can be challenging at times to get the men to open up about their emotions and talk.
"If they’re coming for the first time, they won’t say much. The next time, they’ll maybe open up a little bit more and start cracking some jokes. The third time, they start opening up. It’s really great to give them that outlet because we just don’t get that (as men). My day to day life is so busy I can’t talk to my buddies — they’re busy. This is a nice time to get together and release and take some tension off," he said.
The key to getting the men to open up is to relate to them and bond over being dads, Kimball said.
"I can relate to some of the things they have been through," he said. "… It’s just the little things that you can grab a hold of that make them think, ‘Oh, he’s just like me. I can talk to this guy. He seems like an all right guy.’ As soon as they feel that I’m OK and that I’m not one of those people who are out to get them, they open up to me."
Sometimes the discussions can get emotional, Kimball said.
"Sometimes we’re talking about grief and loss," Kimball said. "Guys can really show their wounds. They can show they have dicey pasts with loss and grief, and they don’t get to talk about it very much. You can tell. Usually, if a guy brings it up, another guy chimes in and makes them more comfortable. It’s sort of like a domino effect. They bounce back off of each other."
What dads learn
Johnathan Cassell, 34, an Edinburgh resident who has a 10-month-old son and a 6-year-old daughter, said bonding with his daughter and the unity that he feels with other fathers who attend are among his favorite parts of the event. He has been attending Fatherhood Nights for around two years.
“I get to spend more time with my kids doing more stuff," he said. "The arts and crafts thing actually really helps with our relationship. I even have this little toy car that we built from the first (Fatherhood Initiative event) we came to. It’s on top of my dresser at home, and it’s still in one piece.”
Cassell said it was hard to open up to the other fathers initially.
“We go to the meeting room and we talk about different skills we could use to make ourselves a better father,” he said. “At first it was (hard to open up), but that’s only because, at first, I’m normally really shy.”
Nick Spears, 28, a Columbus resident who has a 4-month old son and a 6-year-old stepdaughter, said it was the first time he had attended a Fatherhood Initiative event. Spears said he was looking forward to learning new parenting skills and bonding with his stepdaughter, who he said he doesn’t get a lot of chances to spend time with.
“I need to learn how to be a better father for her,” Spears said. “Even though I’m a stepfather, I need to know how to bridge that gap and make it as seamless as possible and give her the best life I can.”
Anthony Morris, 49, a Columbus resident with a 5-year-old daughter, said he mainly came so his daughter could have fun with the other children.
"Let her enjoy herself. Let her be who she is. (I didn’t come) for myself, it’s mainly for her," he said.
The most important part of the event, Kimball said, was for the fathers to spend time with their children.
"The number one thing is that it is available to them," he said. "It’s a free program. There’s no commitment other than their time."
[sc:pullout-title pullout-title=”About the program” ][sc:pullout-text-begin]
Fatherhood Night is sponsored by Human Services Inc. and uses curriculum from the National Fatherhood Initiative’s 24/7 Dad program, which seeks to help men develop the attitudes and skills to be actively involved in their children’s lives.
The event is not just for fathers, said Jeremy Kimball, Fatherhood Initiative coordinator. Any father figure — uncles, grandfathers, stepfathers, father-in-laws and other father figures — may attend with children. Only children under 12 years of age may attend. The program is free.
Similar events in Jackson, Decatur, Johnson, Brown and Shelby counties.
For more information, call 812-372-8407, Ext. 241.
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Fatherhood Night is held each month at Human Services Inc., 4355 E. 600 N., from 5:30 p.m. to 7:30 p.m.
Father figures who wish to attend must RSVP one week in advance to make sure there is enough food and materials for everyone. To RSVP, call Jeremy Kimball, Fatherhood Initiative coordinator, at 812-372-8407, ext. 241 or email him at [email protected].
Below are the dates and times for the event this year:
- May 23
- June 20
- July 18
- Sept. 19
- Oct. 17
- Nov. 21
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Excerpt from a brochure about the fatherhood program at Human Services Inc.:
"Being a dad requires tremendous skill. It’s more than throwing a ball or paying the bills. It’s about nurturing, a foreign concept to many men. The Fatherhood Program is aimed at helping men experience and practice the attitudes and skills that translate into nurturing behavior."
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