Dear Amy: In March of 2020, right before the pandemic hit, I got married.
I was considered a Bridezilla (I disagree).
As I was planning my wedding, my two best friends since junior high school made it very clear what I should or shouldn’t do.
The day of wedding, it was a mess. I was told that as the reception was going on, both of my friends were upset at me for not making either of them my maid of honor.
They decided that it was OK to talk smack about me — with family and friends around who could overhear them.
I’m over the friendship with them both.
At this point, my question is should I pursue a friendship with them, or should I just let a 25-year friendship go?
What should I do?
— Anonymous Ex-friend
Dear Anonymous: First, a wedding pro-tip: If you want to plan your wedding privately and don’t want people to chime in on your plans (a reasonable goal), then don’t discuss your plans.
Next, an observation: If you want to try to move your junior high relationships into the adult realm, then you should start by behaving like a thoughtful, considerate, authentic adult.
If it’s true that these friends were trashing you at your wedding reception, then you should assume that they don’t necessarily wish you well. Would an explanation or apology help? If so, be brave enough to ask for it.
“Friends come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.”
If these friends were in your life for a season, then you should understand that the seasons have changed, and it’s time to move on.
Dear Amy: I live with roommates, “Jeff” and “Beth.” They are a couple.
My friend “Dan” is engaged to “Nan.” Dan has been continually asking to come over to my house for a barbecue and to hang out.
I’m not against the idea, but my roommate Jeff hits on women all the time, especially voluptuous ones. Beth is just his type.
Sure enough, if I do go through with the invite and have them over, Jeff will continuously hit on her until one of two things ends up happening: Nan will either fall for his charm and end up having an affair and/or sleeping with him, or she’ll be disgusted and mad at me for having them over.
Either way, I see NOTHING GOOD coming out of this on my end.
My question is for you is this: How can I tell Dan that hanging out here is not in his best interests?
– Bar-be-qued
Dear Bar-be-qued: You see this as a matter for the menfolk to handle, but, since “Jeff’s” behavior will likely affect “Nan” the most (not to mention poor “Beth”), why don’t you warn her? “My roommate Jeff is a total horndog. He WILL hit on you. If you don’t want to deal with that, maybe we should hang out at your house.”
Dear Amy: I always have to laugh when I hear someone complain that someone walked right by them without saying hello.
It works both ways; did you say hello?
– Puzzled Preschool Teacher
Dear Puzzled: My annual few weeks in New Orleans (where almost every stranger on the street greets with a hearty “hello”) has taught me the value of a joyful greeting.
