Lori Borgman: Package delivery a Christmas jumble

Sometimes life simply gets ahead of you. By a few minutes, a few hours, maybe even a day. Or let’s say your entire fall has been action-packed and life has gotten ahead of you by weeks.

The holidays arrive with the usual clamor and you wonder if you’ll ever catch up. Your late-night online shopping packages begin arriving. FedEx, UPS, mail carriers, Amazon. Such nice delivery people.

Of course, you know what you ordered so you stack the boxes in the corner of a bedroom and will get to them later.

Time passes, days turn to weeks and later finally arrives.

I pick a box, open it and have no idea what I am looking at. Well, I know I am looking at a pair of shoes and a jacket, but I have no memory of ordering shoes and a jacket.

When did I order this?

Why did I order this?

What else have I ordered that I don’t remember ordering?

Will any live animals or heavy machinery be arriving?

The next thought that comes to mind is: “Do I need Prevagen?”

I wonder if I am really losing it, then put the contents back into the box and see it is addressed to my neighbor.

What a relief, although the relief quickly turns to angst when I realize I have not only opened my neighbor’s package, but it has been sitting in our house for more than two weeks.

Has she been going without shoes and a jacket?

I quickly text her and she texts back “ha-ha” saying she complained to the company weeks ago, and they resent the merchandise. She will return the merchandise that was sitting in our house and says it is no problem. She is most gracious. I only hope the company doesn’t ask for the name and address of her neighbor that was sitting on the goods.

All is well.

Then it hits me. We are going out of town for a few days. Guess who we ask to watch for packages when we are gone? Do I really have the nerve to ask the neighbor whose package I sat on for nearly three weeks if she will keep a watchful eye out for our packages?

Maybe I can strike a deal. I could suggest that she keep our packages at her house for a few weeks, even open a few and see if there’s anything she likes.

She is more than welcome to enjoy the Nerf Blasters or the giant stuffed unicorn. It’s probably been years since she played with a Slinky. Maybe she’d like to make a volcano and watch it blow up.

My neighbor is free to do whatever she likes with the packages. All I ask is that I have them back by Dec. 24. I’d really appreciate it.

Lori Borgman is a columnist, author and speaker. Send comments to [email protected]