Susan Cox
August is generally a time of transition for me. As a teacher, I move from a more relaxed summer to a more structured school schedule. But this August, I’m dealing with additional transitions. My dad came to live with my husband and me at the end of last year, and we are close to wrapping up construction work on an addition/remodel project to give him his own living space. We also just had a family reunion in my hometown, where we distributed items from the family home my parents built 60 years ago and cleaned out the house in preparation for the new owners to move in.
All of these transitions have affected me both positively and negatively. When school starts again, I miss the extra time I have to work on my own projects or just relax, but I like the structure that comes with the more regular schedule, and I enjoy interacting with my students.
I’ve done this transition many times, so I’ve learned how to deal with my mixed feelings about it. I try to focus on the things I like about what’s changing, and knowing I will move back to a summer schedule again makes it easier for me to deal with what I’m temporarily losing.
Having my dad live with me and saying goodbye to our family home has been more challenging than the start of school transition. I’m glad that I can spend more time with my dad and that he’s not six hours away if he gets sick, but I do miss the alone time I had when my husband travels out of town for work. Our family was happy that Dad’s home sold quickly yet we were also sad to say goodbye to our home and our hometown. Saving items from the house helps us still feel connected to the place in a way, tempering our sadness.
I’ve never dealt with either of these transitions before, and my usual strategy of focusing on the things I like has not been quite enough. I’ve realized that I need to let myself feel sad and grieve the things I’m losing. Pushing the sadness away or telling myself I shouldn’t feel sad or upset hasn’t helped me adjust to the changes.
Dealing with our construction project is not quite so difficult. Things are out of their usual places and there’s lots of dust and noise, not to mention many, many decisions to make, which takes time away from other things I’d like or need to do. However, this disruption is temporary, and I get excited seeing the progress being made. Plus, at the end we’ll have a nice new space.
Transitions are a part of life that we all must cope with. Whatever type of transitions you are dealing with, whether cyclical like the end of summer or one-time events like moving, allow yourself to feel all your feelings, recognizing that those feelings may be more than you want to feel. Emotions aren’t good or bad; rather, they give us information that can help us move forward in life.
Repressing our emotions can have negative effects on our mental health, our relationships, and our stress levels. Feeling all your feelings can also help you get better at dealing with all of your emotions, so don’t be afraid to be sad or to have mixed emotions. You’ll be glad you did.
Susan Cox is one of The Republic’s community columnists, and all opinions expressed are those of the writer. She is an avid reader, an outdoor enthusiast, a mother, a grandmother, and an adjunct instructor of English at IUPUC. She can be reached at editorial@therepublic.com.
