John Foster
Recently, my “middle” grandson and I were killing time while waiting to deliver toys for a local charity.
When Keaton was quite young, he would sit in the backseat of my truck while his older brother, sister and I would play “word” games to pass the time.
We’d do things like listing antonyms and synonyms but our favorites might have been homonyms (to, too, two).
Keaton’s brother and sister would rattle off responses rapid fire while he would just sit there with a confused look on his face, unable to match their pace.
Out of frustration for not being able to answer, he would loudly blurt out a five letter word for a male appendage, prompting laughs from all before we would resume.
Keaton’s gotten a little quicker on the uptake these days so I suggested we do a game I did with my Mom and sisters years ago.
This was a rhyming challenge based on places to eat.
Name a certain person or profession and name the location where they might grab a bite to eat.
Where would someone who’s always complaining and belly-aching eat?
“The Whiner Diner.”
If you only drank ale from a tall, ornate vessel, you’d have to eat at the “Steiner Diner.”
If you preferred only the very best repast, you’d have that meal at the “Finer Diner.”
See how it goes?
What if you only ate at a Lazy Boy chair store?
“The Recliner Diner.”
Petroleum processing laborers would lunch at “The Refiner Diner.”
Jokesters Henny Youngman and Rodney Dangerfield could open up “The One-Liner Diner.”
Coal-workers would dine at “The Miner Diner” while those under 18 could snack at “The Minor Diner.”
Would under 18 years old coal workers chow down at “The Minor Miner Diner?”
You get a black eye and I’ll meet you at “The Shiner Diner.”
Someone driving tiny cars in parades while wearing a fez would be found at “The Shriner Diner.”
If you soak products in salt water, you’d eat at “The Briner Diner.”
Would a doctor specializing in back problems reserve a seat at “The Spiner Diner?”
San Francisco pro football fans eat before games at “The Niner Diner.”
Declaration of Independence autographers might feed at “The Signer Diner.”
Rope makers? Meet you at “The Twiner Diner.”
If you are constantly turned down or refused, just have some lunch at “The Decliner Diner.”
Brothers in the neighborhood of my youth, Tom and George, would be welcome at “The Fleiner Diner.”
You have a Christmas tree farm?
Let’s eat at “The Piner Diner.”
Did you grow a lot of grapes?
Meals are served at “The Winer Diner.”
Inflexible when it comes to opinions?
Gotta eat at “The Hard-Liner Diner.”
Would illegal alcohol be served at “The Moonshiner Diner?”
Fans of “The Little Dipper” would chow at “The Ursa Minor Diner.”
There ought to be a restaurant at the border where Asia and Europe meet, “The Asia Minor Diner.”
Polish up those brogans for a living?
“The Shoe Shiner Diner.”
Now that I’ve created lots of “earworms” for you to deal with, it’s time to go.
But don’t attack my reputation by slander or libel.
We’d have to meet over lunch at “The Maligner Diner.”
John Foster anchors “All-News-in-the-Morning” weekdays on 1010 WCSI-AM and 98.1 FM. You can read his weekly blog at johnnyonthespot1950.com and monthly in The Republic. Send comments to [email protected].
