Borgman
Years ago, a bona fide gourmet cook showed me how she passed off store-bought bread as homemade by sprinkling a little sifted flour on top.
From that day forward, I was always suspicious of her offerings at large gatherings, although I greatly admired her ability to economize time and energy.
Not long after, my mother tried to pull a fast one on us as well. She was a wonderful baker known for her Christmas cookies. But one year they looked just a little too perfect, a little too uniform and a little too thick.
She said it was a new recipe from a friend. It was. The cookies were from her new best friend, Mrs. Fields, who lived at the mall.
I told her the next time she needed to smear the frosting on a couple of them to make it believable — and not to leave the box in the kitchen trash, but to take it to the garage.
For me, the biggest time and labor expenditure before a big family gathering is making mashed potatoes. So, from time to time, I have engaged the assistance of my good friend Bob. Bob’s last name is Evans. He lives in the refrigerated case by the meat section at the grocery. I know Bob likes helping me, because the word “Family” is stamped in big, bold letters on his containers.
Because we have some purists in the family, I let Bob rest in a slow cooker set to low before people arrive. I then garnish the Bob potatoes with a pat of butter and sprinkle of fresh parsley before ferrying them to the table.
The finer palettes in the family are all on to me — but that doesn’t mean Bob and I are dissolving the partnership.
The second most time-consuming dish before a family gathering is potato salad. The potato salad of a nearby deli is highly regarded by many in the family. So, I did a taste test not long ago.
The oohing and ahhing over the potato salad and “best ever” comments went on and on until a son-in-law put his fork down and named the deli.
Busted.
One of the grands looked at me with big eyes and asked if it was really homemade.
“Well,” I said, “I went to the deli, brought it home and made it sit on the table. Homemade.”
I rest my case. And my kitchen.
Lori Borgman is a columnist, author and speaker. Send comments to letters@dailyjournal.net.
