Dear Amy: I grew up with two siblings — a brother and a sister. My brother, his wife and three children lived near our parents. My family and I (wife, two children) lived some distance away. We maintained contact through holiday cards and drop-by visits. Everything was cordial, if not particularly close. In hindsight, all direct interaction with my folks was always at our initiation.
Sadly, my brother passed away quite suddenly a few years ago. My SIL still maintained infrequent, cordial contact surrounding major events, but that’s about it.
About a year ago my SIL married an old flame from college. She moved to his town, some distance away. We lost all contact. It was not just us — she and her children essentially “ghosted” their paternal grandparents.
Last week I learned that SIL and her daughter had relocated again six months ago. They are now living within a 10 minute drive from my house.
I am trying very hard to empathize with her: Perhaps they just suffered another in a series of terrible situations. But then, why pretend that my family and I don’t exist? Why not make any effort?
Your advice?
— Ghosted Uncle
Dear Uncle: I’m wondering why you are ghosting your nieces/nephew. Their father died suddenly. They were relocated to a faraway town for a marriage that turned out to be very short term. Then they moved again.
You should reach out through whatever means you have. Express enthusiasm that they are so close, and offer to lend a hand/get together.
