Dear Amy: I’m a 45-year-old single woman. I am financially secure and self-sufficient.
I am happy being single. I have a decent job, own a home and have created a good life for myself.
I badly want to adopt or foster a child on my own. Every time I bring this up to my parents, I am bombarded by all of the negative aspects of being a single parent. My father is admittedly prejudiced and has made remarks about the possibility that I may adopt a non-white child.
I cannot understand why they are so against my goal to adopt on my own. I have tried talking to them about how they make me feel. This has only led to arguments. I fear that if I listen to my mother’s litany of reasons why I shouldn’t be a parent, I will never fulfill my dream.
I don’t wish to alienate my family. How can I handle this situation?
— Wannabe Mom
Dear Wannabe: The fact that you are so anchored to what your parents think about your family-building goals might mean that you are still not ready for parenthood, because this one is a no-brainer. Stop discussing this with them. If you decided to get pregnant, with or without a partner, would you run this past mom and dad?
There is some likelihood that your folks will hop on board when the time comes, but it’s also possible that they will not. Take this into account, and then live your life the way you want to. Carry on with your own plans.
