Dear Amy: I have been happily married to my husband for two years. While he is loving, and a good provider, he is not overly romantic. I would love nothing more than for him to surprise me with some flowers one day because he was thinking of me, but he’s never given me flowers.
I have voiced my concerns to him, but he usually gets frustrated and says that he takes care of me, keeps the house in order and works 60 hours a week to provide for me.
I don’t question whether or not he loves me (I know he does), and I know I should be more grateful for all the wonderful things he does. There is just always that part of me that wants some of the romance and spontaneity that I fantasize about.
Am I being petty? Shouldn’t I just put my silly desires for flowers aside and be grateful that he nearly breaks his back to feed and shelter me?
— Wanting Romance
Dear Wanting: It’s not petty to want some romance in your life, but I think you’re getting romanced every single day. You just don’t see it, because you’re defining romance one way and your husband is defining it differently.
If you could train yourself to change your perspective, even slightly, you would stop scanning the driveway for the flower delivery person, and instead see that the guy dragging himself home after work carrying a bag of groceries is telling you that he loves you in ways that are visceral and lasting.
