Dear Amy: Since last year, I’ve been asking my wife to take a different approach to the holidays, and to just focus on our small immediate family.
Every single year, without fail, there’s some major disappointment, family conflict or travel debacle.
Last year, she said she was “done” after a big fight between her aunt and cousin that got very heated.
She says that she does not want them around, but she feels obligated to host these big family holiday parties.
My wife finally said she was not going to host this year. I was thrilled, and told her we would find ways to make it special for us and our son.
Soon after, my wife started to tell me that she was getting “rude” or “hurtful” responses from her family, saying that they were disappointed in her.
Amy, how can I get my wife to understand “quality” over “quantity” with familial relationships? I don’t want to see my wife in this constant cycle of anxiety and stress.
What do you recommend?
— Anxious Husband
Dear Husband: Your wife’s family members took advantage of her passivity for years, and now she is basically throwing you under the family bus in order to escape their reaction to this change. (Understand that your insistence that she change things is also probably stressful for her.)
But hey — she is half-right. You are the one forcing this issue, and you should be willing to take one for the family team.
