Dear Amy: My 22-year-old niece told my teenage daughter to “shut up” during our Thanksgiving meal.
The problem is, my daughter has severe autism. She makes odd and loud noises. She rocks. She has a hard time sitting still.
My husband says we should just stop going to family functions to spare our daughter and ourselves from the stress.
I’ve told my niece point blank not to talk to my daughter like that, but it keeps happening.
It is hard enough dealing with strangers who don’t “get” my daughter, and can be rude and unfriendly, so it’s doubly hard when it’s family.
My sister won’t do anything about it. My husband and I have strategies to help our daughter calm down, but they don’t always work, and sometimes she just needs to express herself as she does. And it’s almost always a joyful and happy expression. I actually enjoy her sounds. The kind people in our lives enjoy them, too!
Anyway, I am at a loss. Please help!
— Concerned Mom
Dear Concerned:
You should reach out to your niece and tell her, “Your cousin has autism. The noises she makes are part of the way she communicates. She cannot always control her behavior. You don’t have autism; you can control yours. I understand that being around her seems to make you very uncomfortable, but your behavior toward her is unacceptable.”
