Dear Amy: My fiance and I are both doctors in a mid-sized American city. We are regularly caring for COVID patients and recognize that we are high-risk to be potential vectors. We’ve spent the last several months being absolutely horrified by this disease and shocked that some don’t seem to be taking it seriously.
My fiance’s family lives in a different state, where his sister is supposed to get married next month. Despite our frequently voiced discomfort, the current plan is for a 95-person wedding — grandparents and all! — with absolutely no COVID precautions at all in his parents’ backyard (outside, at least, but their home will be open to anyone). Masks and physical distancing are not on the table; they say they “can’t control what people do” and that things have “gone back to normal” where they are.
Do we go? Do we stay? If we do go, do we wear masks and attempt to physically distance despite the fact that this will be completely out of place and seen as a political statement?
— Caught Couple
Dear Caught: You and your fiance are medical experts, but maybe it will take an amateur (me) to clarify things for you: Wake up! Wake up and smell the COVID!
The ethical choice is for you to stay home.
The way to bow out gracefully is to respond honestly: “We are heartbroken to miss this wedding, but we realize that we pose a risk to others, and we could not live with ourselves if someone became ill because of our presence. We hope you have a wonderful time and look forward to seeing lots of photos and videos.”
These family members might be willing/able to livestream the wedding for you.
Dear Amy: I feel very much a part of our country, and have many patriotic feelings. However, I believe that for some people, flying the flag at home has become a conservative political statement.
That is not a message I wish to convey. I want to fly the Stars and Stripes on my house over the July 4 holiday.
How can I do this without sending the wrong message?
Confused in Kansas
Dear Confused: You can (and should) fly the flag without sending the “wrong message,” by not caring what other people think or how they interpret your patriotism.
In fact, I believe your concern and overthinking about this contributes to the very problem you are attempting to highlight.
If you believe we are in the midst of a culture war, then be a brave warrior and exercise your own freedom and the right to fly the flag, for goodness sake.
