"Coastal Elites" (8 p.m. Saturday, HBO, TV-MA) sets out to do the impossible. And fails spectacularly.
A political satire of our COVID-ravaged times produced under the peculiar conditions of social distancing, "Elites" assembles an impressive cast to play well-heeled and well-connected media types at the end of their tethers, rambling rather endlessly about their frustrations with the unraveling of their understanding of the world and blaming the president and his followers for their respective meltdowns.
Bette Midler plays a woman arrested for accosting a man with a MAGA hat. Dan Levy ("Schitt’s Creek") portrays an actor who apparently believes he can save the world by playing a gay superhero who saves the world in a blockbuster movie. Issa Rae ("Insecure") is the daughter of a tycoon whose status offers her a unique perspective on the first daughter, and Sarah Paulson ("American Crime Story") is a YouTube personality at the end of her rope.
It would be one thing if these NPR-tote-bag-collecting stereotypes were part of a broader comedy, but "Coastal" presents their prolonged rants as theatrical monologues written by Paul Rudnick. The effect offers the worst of two worlds: the emotionally flattening effects of Zoom conferencing and the hifalutin staginess of high theater presented on the small screen.
Viewers of all political stripes should find "Coastal Elites" unbearable. Who knows, it might just bring us together! When future historians look back at our COVID era, I believe this effort will rank right up there with that dreadful all-star version of "Imagine" that arrived last spring. But at least that had the aura of an amateur sing-along. "Coastal Elites" is a scripted HBO production, directed by Jay Roach ("Austin Powers," "Meet the Parents").
— At least one show acknowledges an awful truth: DIY is not for everybody. The new series "Help! I Wrecked My House" (8 p.m. Saturday, HGTV, TV-G) offers interventions for amateur contractors who mistakenly believed that carpentry is "easy."
Host Jasmine and her team arrive to complete half-finished disasters and help families discover that often life is better when you leave some tasks to the professionals.
— Part of a Saturday block of mysteries, "Secret State" (7 p.m., Ovation) stars Gabriel Byrne ("Miller’s Crossing"), Charles Dance ("Game of Thrones") and Ruth Negga ("Loving," "Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.") in a British thriller set in the murky intersection of government, big business and banking.
— Not for the first time, "Masterpiece" (9 p.m. Sunday, PBS, TV-PG, check local listings) updates an old favorite. Joining "Upstairs Downstairs" and "Poldark," the three-episode thriller "Van der Valk" revisits a franchise that ran on U.K. TV from 1972-’92.
Set in Amsterdam, a city both genteel and exotic, historical and rife with the tensions of 21st-century cosmopolitan culture, "Van der Valk" stars Marc Warren ("Beecham House," "The Good Wife") as detective Piet van der Valk, a handsome, blond and seemingly unattached sleuth who specializes in the frequent homicides that bob up in the canals. Look for Maimie McCoy ("Wallander") as his unflappable assistant and Darrell D’Silva ("Game of Thrones") as the grumpy medical examiner whose frequent hangovers have yet to blunt his deductive powers.
Not unlike the "Wallander" books and adaptations, "Van der Valk" blends traditional detective work with commentary on a Northern European society’s difficult adjustment to a multicultural population. The very first murder we’re shown on "Van der Valk" is shot through with political intrigue as an election nears between Social Democrats and anti-immigrant activists who have moved from the political fringe to the brink of power.
SATURDAY’S HIGHLIGHTS
— South Alabama hosts Tulane in College Football (7:30 p.m., ESPN).
— Wake Forest hosts Clemson in College Football (7:35 p.m., ABC).
— NHL Hockey (8 p.m., NBC).
— MLB Baseball (8 p.m., Fox).
— A woman goes to homicidal lengths to protect children in the 2020 shocker "Deranged Granny" (8 p.m., Lifetime, TV-14).
— "Animal Babies" (8 p.m., BBC America, TV-PG) searches for the cute and cuddly on the African plains.
— Facing writer’s block, an author finds purpose by helping a small-town boy in the 2017 romance "At Home in Mitford" (9 p.m., Hallmark, TV-G).
SUNDAY’S HIGHLIGHTS
— Scheduled on "60 Minutes" (7 p.m., CBS): an interview with Bob Woodward; Tijuana sewage and a profile of Joaquin Phoenix.
— The Dodgers host the Astros in Major League Baseball (8 p.m., ESPN).
— A casual fling becomes a homicidal stalker after a married woman’s one night of "Sinfidelity" (8 p.m., Lifetime, TV-14).
— So it begins: Two hours of "Halloween Wars" (9 p.m., Food, TV-G) kick off the season.
— Above and beyond on "Power Book II: Ghost" (8 p.m., Starz, TV-MA).
— The Los Angeles Rams host the Dallas Cowboys in NFL Action (8:20 p.m., NBC).
— A glimpse ahead on "The 2020 Fox Fall Preview Special" (9 p.m., Fox, TV-14).
— "How It Really Happened" (9 p.m., HLN) recalls the 2013 Boston Marathon bombing.
— Ruby’s new perspective on "Lovecraft Country" (9 p.m., HBO, TV-MA).
— Evidence points to a Tennessee hideaway on "Love Fraud" (9 p.m., Showtime, TV-MA).
— The end of the game on the season finale of "We Hunt Together" (10 p.m., Showtime, TV-MA).
— A celebrity’s daughter appears smitten with the program on "The Vow" (10 p.m., HBO, TV-MA).
— Blending the graphic sensibilities of a thousand video games, the mystical malarky of medieval adventure and the absurdity of the Cartoon Network’s "Adult Swim" programming bloc, the new series "Tigtone" (midnight, Cartoon Network, TV-14) debuts.
CULT CHOICE
Robert Mitchum, Jane Greer and Kirk Douglas star in the 1947 film noir thriller "Out of the Past" (8 p.m. Saturday, TCM, TV-PG), directed by Jacques Tourneur.
SATURDAY SERIES
Tel Aviv intrigue on "NCIS: Los Angeles" (8 p.m., CBS, r, TV-14) … Flirtation on "Love Island: More to Love" (9 p.m., CBS, TV-PG) … "48 Hours" (10 p.m., CBS).
SUNDAY SERIES
— "Football Night in America" (7 p.m., NBC, TV-14) … "Big Brother" (8 p.m., CBS, TV-PG) … A glance at the new season of "The Masked Singer" (8 p.m., Fox, TV-PG) … "Celebrity Family Feud" (8 p.m., ABC, r, TV-14) … A season ends on "Fridge Wars" (8 p.m., CW, TV-PG).
"Love Island" (9 p.m., CBS, TV-PG) … "Press Your Luck" (9 p.m., ABC, r, TV-PG) … High-stakes pool on "Supernatural" (9 p.m., CW, r, TV-14) … Don’t sweat it on "Family Guy" (9:30 p.m., Fox, r, TV-14) … "Match Game" (10 p.m., ABC, r, TV-14).
