Dear Amy: I am a single male in my early 30s. After law school, I met “Judith,” and we became best friends. Judith and I were both competitive athletes in the same sport, the same age, and knew some of the same people.
The friendship was always strictly platonic. Honestly, I considered her my best friend.
We had a falling-out over something quite petty, on its face: After a fun party weekend in the mountains, I felt compelled to ask her (and her boyfriend) to pay for part of the lodging expenses. It really wasn’t about the actual money, but I couldn’t help but to feel used. It embarrassed me to ask her to contribute after the fact, when I had assumed that they would step up without asking.
Anyway, the resulting (text) conversation we had was insulting. She brought up topics from the past that were completely unrelated and out of line. I felt hurt and betrayed.
Most recently, she reached out to ask if I considered the friendship permanently over.
Do I need to rethink my approach regarding friendship and important period of life?
— Disoriented in Denver
Dear Disoriented:
In short, yes, I do think you need to rethink your approach to friendship (this one, and perhaps others, as well).
This re-evaluation doesn’t mean that you must re-enter Judith’s life, but most disappointments offer opportunities for growth. Judith may have grown. Have you?
Dear Amy: Today my English teacher told me about you. She suggested that I reach out for some advice.
My real concern is that I’m planning to go to college next year, but I don’t know what I’m going to study yet. I’m excited about studying, but the current situation within the pandemic is not the greatest.
I don’t feel ready to go to university.
What do you think is best? Should I make plans to go to college, or should I take a gap year?
— Confused about College
Dear Confused: I like the idea of delaying college by a year, especially for younger students. (I started college at 17, and often wish I had waited).
I don’t love the term “gap year,” however, because it implies that taking a year between high school and college should be seen as a “gap,” or a void of some kind.
Maybe we should call this a “goal year” or a “grow year.”
I think it’s a great idea, especially now, to consider taking a year to work part time and have some mini-adventures (if your folks are willing to have you at home). Taking classes at your local community college will help you to zero in on possible courses of study.
Dear Amy: I appreciated your response to “No Words.” This was a woman who discovered that she was mistaken about the identity of the man she thought had fathered her child.
I agreed with you when you cut through the complications, and said that she had “done a lot of things right.”
— Once a Teen Mom
Dear Mom: I was impressed by this woman’s total honesty regarding her challenging history.
