Downsizing one’s living space has a multileveled impact. There are the practicalities. In what sequence should one take on the various steps? What kind of help will be needed?
Then there is the emotional level, which should not be underestimated. Homes are storehouses of memories. Often, they are where families have been raised.
And then there is the impact on family. As the decision is made to part with longtime possessions, who will get what? Who will monitor the process and check in on those who have moved?
Oftentimes, the moment of decision comes when one realizes that most space in the old homestead is not being utilized anymore. “When people say, ‘I’ve lived here for 65 years and have four bedrooms,’ I say, ‘But how much are you really living in?’ Usually it’s just the living room and the bedroom,” says Vicki Colson, executive director at Greentree at Westwood, an assisted-living community.
If at all possible, it’s best to give oneself ample time and devote much of it to planning. Cheryl Smith, owner of Bloomington-based Consider It Done Transition Services, recommends starting with preparing the family.
“Pick a relaxing moment to talk everything over,” she says. “Be respectful. Allow everyone to speak. Don’t lecture. Start with small issues, acknowledge everyone’s feelings and conclude positively.”
That stage of the process can set the table for the decluttering stage. Family members will have a good understanding of the priorities of the person being downsized. Everyone can look at various belongings and come to decisions about whether an item in question is something being used regularly and whether the person moving is holding on to it because she genuinely cherishes it or out of obligation.
Occasionally, however, timing precludes this kind of scenario.
“There was no preparing the family in our case,” says Miriam Brougher. “My sister was 88. Her husband had passed away after being in a nursing facility for 14 months. She couldn’t stand being alone and lived down a long lane in a farmhouse where she’d been since 1948.”
With regard to the decluttering phase, Brougher says that her sister “wanted to keep everything. First she took her nearest and dearest keepsakes and furniture that would fit in her new apartment at Parkside Court. She finally agreed to getting her house emptied. The owner of an auction barn took everything he thought would sell. Orphan Grain Train took most of the rest.”
Brougher’s case is illustrative of what can happen if the old house isn’t sold right away. Her sister didn’t agree to sell it for nearly two years, during which time a water leak occurred that required a visit from Servpro. Then a contractor was enlisted to handle repairs. A brother who had farmed the surrounding land for 40 years eventually bought the house.
Brougher’s sister “did OK at Parkside. She knew it wasn’t home but knew she needed to be there.” She fell and broke her hip, requiring a period of rehab at Silver Oaks Health Campus, after which the family had to repeat the downsizing process.
Chuck Doup knew the house where he and his wife, Linda, had lived for 28 years had become too much to maintain, but he was personally not in a hurry to start the downsizing process. In his case, the catalyst was that his “kids were pushy.” The Doups finally committed to moving into a condo. Gardening tools, outside furniture and extra bedroom sets went to nieces and nephews. The items no one wanted went to Goodwill.
He says, “Mother [his term of endearment for Linda] got emotional at the end. There were a few tears. There was some chaos, but we still love each other and will grow through this.”
Bonita Allman, who has lived at Greentree since March 2018, was spurred to make her move by the death of her husband two months earlier. They had lived in one home for 30 years and then at Eastwood Lake Apartments and Parkside Court. She found it hard to let go of keepsakes. She also misses having a stove, since she’d cooked regularly since she was quite young.
A grandson, Kyle Stevens, who lives at Tipton Lakes checks on her frequently. She has found aspects of Greentree life that she enjoys a lot, such as extended conversations in the dining room and bingo and euchre.
Sonia Hoeck and her sisters took charge of moving their parents from a Bloomington house “where they’d lived for 26 years and loved more than any other prior home.” The sisters reversed one customary aspect of the process. They sold the house and then began downsizing. It gave them two months for the entire undertaking.
They enlisted Consider It Done. “Cheryl and her staff would meet me at my parents’ home and would get to work packing rooms and helping make decisions as to what to take and what to sell or donate,” says Hoeck. “My parents still have a hard time with their new house. It’s been almost a year and a half, and they’re still adjusting to considerably less privacy. Theirs is a fish bowl-type neighborhood with houses all around.”
They are much closer to Sonia and the other sisters now, however, so there’s ample help with driving their parents to church and to stores and paying bills. “We see our parents more, but we don’t always have the relaxed atmosphere we had when we’d visit for the weekend.”
The particulars of each downsizing project are as varied as the individuals and families undertaking them, but a few themes of how to proceed do emerge: start with gentle conversations if at all possible, plan, prioritize belongings and make the earnest effort to help the new space become a real home.
